Power Closes are one of MOST IMPORTANT steps to getting laid. You can be superior at all the other steps and techniques, but if you can not close, and ask for a call to action (a date, a number, some time together right now, a kiss...etc) then there is no way you gonna get laid, except by luck ofcourse, lol.
The three steps to closing a chick are:
1. Recognising the Time to Close
2. Deciding on Your Closing Technique
3. Making the Closing Statement
The only way to recognize the time to close, you need to pay close attention to your prey. Needless to say, your value needs to have been created in her mind first. She must realize the irrisistable seductiveness, the smoothness, the desire, the warmth, the comfort and the magnetism. If you cannot show her, or create in her your value, you loose and there is no way she's going to ever see you as a potential sex partner or open her legs to you. When this happens learn from it and realize that the reason that happens is because YOU CLOSE TOO EARLY.
Another pitfall, guys, is to close too late. Some guys talk too much instead of closing the deal. You want to close while she's still excited and enthusiastic about your dress, your style, your smile, the way you hypnotize her with your patterns...whatever... you will be very disappointed if you dont, because now she has probably stopped giggling, the conversation is becomming awkward and she will definitely turn you down. Watch her state and see the opportunity. In fact the whole time you are with her you should be looking for that window of opportunity to close so you can get laid. Dont forget the reason youre even talking to her - recognize YOUR end value and keep it constantly in your mind. Closing (getting her number, getting her in bed etc) is the only reason you are there, [you pervert :)] and if you recognize your objective you will seek every oppotunity to close.
Your closing needs to be smooth, reassuring and delivered with confidence. This is not a time for Umms and Ahhs. Once you have decided top make the close, and you're confident about your technique, there are some considerations that you should understand so as to be successful:
1) Stay in your normal discussion mode and tone. Don't telegraph what you are going to do by a change in posture or tone of voice.
* Remember that you are asking for the order but don't pressure for a sale. Move slowly but deliberately to the next step in the process, if there is one.
* Don't discount the failure, (if you fail) learn from it and do better next time. Ask questions if the close fails to determine what went wrong and see if you can salvage the situation (the more high pressure the close you use, the more you are going to have to work to retrieve the situation).
Okay, here we go: The main reason women say "no" is a fear. They say "no" even if they want you to the point of getting wet. If she says "no," you have to create more value in yourself, or build up the required state and close again. In order to do this, you must have more than one close to use. Otherwise, they will leave and go fuck some other guy.
Straight-forward Close:Try to be as matter of fact and straightforward as possible. "I'd like to take you out sometime, can I have your home phone number?" will do just fine. If you want to be a little slicker, hand her a pen and a card and say, "Magic seven digits, please." That's a bit more inventive, and inventiveness never hurts.
THE TEASE: - With this close, you operate as if you absolutely knew the girl wanted to desperately sleep with you, but you are determined to hold out till the last possible minute and to enjoy teasing her all evening.
The Power of Suggestion Close: "Imagine us at the Starbucks coffee shop laughing together and having a good time, and later us being at home feeling that we had a really good time and you enjoyed yourself spending time together with me over coffee. Now when you think about what I am saying, and all those feelings that I am talking about, doesn't it just make sense that we go and have coffee together now?"
Do This: Lean into her as you talk as if you are about to kiss her. Then you MOVE AWAY. Get up and fix yourself a drink, or go to the bathroom. When you play with her mind like this, she won't know what to think. And when you put her in that state of mind, she's much more pliable and less likely to resist you.
A good tactic: is to wait until she says something funny, and then reach over and brush the side of her face with the OUTSIDE of your hand. Then say something like, "You're such a funny lady." Do this slowly and deliberately, looking in her eyes the whole time. Then PULL AWAY.
The Direct Close: (high risk, she could say "no", and now you have to prove her wrong.) The obvious and most frequently used close (mostly by supplicatorsd) is the direct approach of asking for the number. Once you are sure in your mind that you have done everything possible to overcome objections, and if you feel that shes still , go for it. "If we want to continue this conversation another time, I will need your phone number, here is my pen."
The Either Or Close: The more options you give someone, the better your chances to close."Our truck is in this area twice a week, do want delivery on Wednesday or Friday?" "Do you want this charged to your Visa or MasterCard?" "I'll be in your area this friday and saturday, which would be a better night for us to catch up and have coffee (remember to look straight into her eyes, dont blink)?" These choices require a commitment and "no" is not an option!
The Chain Hook: The chain hook close builds a chain of "yes's" to questions you ask to help lead her into saying yes to the close. To put her in the habit of saying yes, ask questions you're sure will get affirmative answers. EG. You're confident about who you are right? And confident people make confident decisions right (shaking your head yes)? Exactly. So im sure you would agree that for you...bla bla bla? etc etc whatever.
The Involved Close: This close gets her involved no matter how much she dont like to talk to strangers :) With it you can also find out if you are on the right path to the goods :) or if you need to change course.
The great thing about this close is that it dosent end all but instead tells you what direction to go.
A. "That make sense right?"
B. "How do you feel about this so far?"
C. "Is this what you want?"
D. "Can you see yourself experiencing these wonderful feelings?"
Here's how you end this: While you're talking, suddenly yawn, look at your watch, and say, "I'm feeling a little bushed. Let's call it an evening."
If you're at your place, you proceed like this: "C'mon. I'll drive you home." Make as if you're really getting to leave. As she stands up from the couch, take her in your arms, and kiss her passionately. It's the last thing she'll be expecting, and the unexpected has the best effect.
Planting The Seeds Of Confidence
Thursday, November 10, 2005, 04:02 PM [The Arts of Seduction]
When we start the process of meeting women, the seeds that have long ago been inadvertently planted in your mind begin to surface. These can spell doom or success. Here's how to take back control. In Junior High, I knocked over a metal bar that guided the cafeteria line. As the divider clanged and echoed throughout the large room, a silence descended, waiting to see whether fight or flight was in order with such a large noise.
Neither was; once everyone realized what had happened, laughter came. Looking back, I now know that much of the laughter was just a release of momentary unwarranted panic – not all of it was REALLY about me.
But it sure felt that way. Everyone – EVERYONE – was looking at me cackling. Some were pointing. A few goofs were doing impressions in the back.
And, worst of all, one of the closest tables was full of cute girls from my class. Including the one I really liked. Being closer to the explosive aural pierce, they were amongst the heartiest laughers. The girl I liked was elbowing her friends and whispering while staring and snickering at me.
I ran out of there, devastated in the way Junior High Schoolers all are at one point or another.
For days, whenever I saw my crush in the hall or in class, my face reddened remembering the cafeteria. I grew scared of her presence. I avoided her, as well as all her cute friends.
Time went on, and I found myself having that scared embarrassed feeling triggered by any of the cute girls who saw me. Soon it was all cute girls. And soon I was a wreck around anyone I found attractive.
We all have different triggers, but an early experience of embarrassment plants a STRONG seed. That’s why naturals usually start out with success – they never had to deal with a bad seed startup.
Most of us do. And you know what? It’s the greatest cause for a man failing with a woman.
You always hear about how confidence is important, and it’s true. Expectations are an important factor in creating our reality, whether it’s because you preach what you practice in your head, or it’s because you willingly accept what you expect while you discount actions outside your vision of reality.
So confidence creates the right atmosphere for you to succeed. What’s more, instead of being a mere cog in the humdrum, confidence can inspire you to stand out, to break from the crowd, and – actually – to be more of who you really are (since you aren’t scared of personal flaws).
On the other hand, negative thoughts ruin you. Subconsciously or not, by believing in negativity you court it, you nurture it, you encourage situations that COULD play out poorly to, in fact, do so.
Nowhere is this more clear than with women.
You know something interesting I’ve found? When dealing with women, a situation with a high potential to go wrong – say she insults you, blows you off – actually leads to success MORE than a comfortable yet bland encounter does.
Why? If you have the CONFIDENCE to believe that things will turn out right, you don’t get nervous. You don’t get knocked off your game. You instead come right back at her in a cool witty way, and that confidence SHINES.
You look like a leader. A man who isn’t scared of the world and who’s comfortable in it.
You look damn sexy.
Great, you say, Thanks a lot Derek, confidence is good. Glad I spent the money on this book to find that out.
Hold on. I’m here to help, after all. Confidence is not something you’re born with, it’s a habit, as is negative thought.
And I can help you switch from one to the other.
First, I want you to catch your negative thinking as it happens. Picture yourself an observer of your mind. Any time you say something mean to yourself (and most people do this fairly regularly), stop yourself. Ask yourself why.
Don’t rationalize away your flaws – sometimes you’ll have done something wrong. But instead of beating yourself up, look at it as a learning experience. Instead of thinking of yourself as some broken human, see yourself as a work in progress. We all are. We all err.
The only thing to do about it is improve next time. Repeating how much you suck only hurts the situation.
Not to mention, it makes for boring conversation at parties.
If you catch yourself, STOP YOURSELF. If a girl rejects you, don’t think about all the things you can’t change and worry about that zit.
That shit don’t matter.
What matters is what you CAN change – and odds are, the zit has nothing on your behavior when it comes to women.
Don’t slap your bald spot – analyze your conversation and try to pinpoint where you lost her.
Take note of it in your attraction journal, the last page. Title that page “The Banishment Index” and create a nearby page you title “Fixin’ To Be Me.” After you’ve written down what went wrong in Banishment, go to Fixin’ and write down how it can go right. Leave space between entries for refinements as you test out your new thoughts, new lines, new theories.
Even if you aren’t getting the responses you want from your fixes, be cool with that. After all, you’re on the right track. You’re being proactive.
Now, we don’t just want to get rid of negative feelings, we want to foster positive ones.
So I’ve got an exercise for you. It may sound strange, but this is what professional athletes do to compete, so trust me, it’s very real.
First, create a calm and relaxed atmosphere, free of emotion. Set yourself aside from the world, and set aside a slot of time for this. You don’t want to be worrying about the dog’s walk.
Lots of people do this through simple breathing meditation – that is, watch your breathing. Just observe it going in and out of your body, how that feels. Count you breaths – from 1 to 10 and back again – until your mind is clear.
If you want, you can lie down and imagine your breath entering your entire body, blowing it up like a balloon, and every time you exhale, another body part relaxes: first your left foot, than your right, next your left lower leg and so on until your body is completely relaxed and free of tension.
Now, picture yourself in a situation with a girl. You should have thought about what it is before, but picture the conversation. Imagine it going extremely well. Imagine yourself getting the girl – however you’d most like to get her, do it.
Repeat.
This is how Greg Maddux and Randy Johnson pitch batters. This is how Barry Bonds hits home runs – the non-steroid ones, at least. You have to imagine yourself succeeding so you know what to do when you’re on the path.
Do this a lot. Do this with all different sorts of scenarios. If you’re having trouble letting go of negative situations in the past, imagine them turning out a completely different and positive way. Whenever the situation crops up, remember that you can and would handle it differently now.
If I knocked over the divider now, I’d do a small stand-up around it, sit down with the cute girls, and say “Congratulations ladies – you’re with the star.”
Don’t kid yourself – I didn’t do that; but I would now.
Really, the only thing standing between you and the hottest women in the world is your belief. If you don’t think you can get her, she’ll sense that and you won’t.
If you believe that you can – and indeed, you WILL, and she’ll be the lucky one – well, you won’t get them all, but you’d be surprised how often that simple switch works by itself.
It’ll take time before you can get yourself consistently confident – once you’ve broken through one barrier, you’ll probably stumble on the next. But you’ll be making constant PROGRESS, your confidence will continue to rise, until NO barrier seems insurmountable.
And none of them are. For anyone. Do I need to list the loser-like guys I know who are anything but losers with the ladies again?
Don’t make me do it.
Create your own movie, with you as the star, and watch as people treat you that way. You’ll establish mad social value as you cruise a room handling every situation deftly – and women will sniff that power like cats in heat.
Neither was; once everyone realized what had happened, laughter came. Looking back, I now know that much of the laughter was just a release of momentary unwarranted panic – not all of it was REALLY about me.
But it sure felt that way. Everyone – EVERYONE – was looking at me cackling. Some were pointing. A few goofs were doing impressions in the back.
And, worst of all, one of the closest tables was full of cute girls from my class. Including the one I really liked. Being closer to the explosive aural pierce, they were amongst the heartiest laughers. The girl I liked was elbowing her friends and whispering while staring and snickering at me.
I ran out of there, devastated in the way Junior High Schoolers all are at one point or another.
For days, whenever I saw my crush in the hall or in class, my face reddened remembering the cafeteria. I grew scared of her presence. I avoided her, as well as all her cute friends.
Time went on, and I found myself having that scared embarrassed feeling triggered by any of the cute girls who saw me. Soon it was all cute girls. And soon I was a wreck around anyone I found attractive.
We all have different triggers, but an early experience of embarrassment plants a STRONG seed. That’s why naturals usually start out with success – they never had to deal with a bad seed startup.
Most of us do. And you know what? It’s the greatest cause for a man failing with a woman.
You always hear about how confidence is important, and it’s true. Expectations are an important factor in creating our reality, whether it’s because you preach what you practice in your head, or it’s because you willingly accept what you expect while you discount actions outside your vision of reality.
So confidence creates the right atmosphere for you to succeed. What’s more, instead of being a mere cog in the humdrum, confidence can inspire you to stand out, to break from the crowd, and – actually – to be more of who you really are (since you aren’t scared of personal flaws).
On the other hand, negative thoughts ruin you. Subconsciously or not, by believing in negativity you court it, you nurture it, you encourage situations that COULD play out poorly to, in fact, do so.
Nowhere is this more clear than with women.
You know something interesting I’ve found? When dealing with women, a situation with a high potential to go wrong – say she insults you, blows you off – actually leads to success MORE than a comfortable yet bland encounter does.
Why? If you have the CONFIDENCE to believe that things will turn out right, you don’t get nervous. You don’t get knocked off your game. You instead come right back at her in a cool witty way, and that confidence SHINES.
You look like a leader. A man who isn’t scared of the world and who’s comfortable in it.
You look damn sexy.
Great, you say, Thanks a lot Derek, confidence is good. Glad I spent the money on this book to find that out.
Hold on. I’m here to help, after all. Confidence is not something you’re born with, it’s a habit, as is negative thought.
And I can help you switch from one to the other.
First, I want you to catch your negative thinking as it happens. Picture yourself an observer of your mind. Any time you say something mean to yourself (and most people do this fairly regularly), stop yourself. Ask yourself why.
Don’t rationalize away your flaws – sometimes you’ll have done something wrong. But instead of beating yourself up, look at it as a learning experience. Instead of thinking of yourself as some broken human, see yourself as a work in progress. We all are. We all err.
The only thing to do about it is improve next time. Repeating how much you suck only hurts the situation.
Not to mention, it makes for boring conversation at parties.
If you catch yourself, STOP YOURSELF. If a girl rejects you, don’t think about all the things you can’t change and worry about that zit.
That shit don’t matter.
What matters is what you CAN change – and odds are, the zit has nothing on your behavior when it comes to women.
Don’t slap your bald spot – analyze your conversation and try to pinpoint where you lost her.
Take note of it in your attraction journal, the last page. Title that page “The Banishment Index” and create a nearby page you title “Fixin’ To Be Me.” After you’ve written down what went wrong in Banishment, go to Fixin’ and write down how it can go right. Leave space between entries for refinements as you test out your new thoughts, new lines, new theories.
Even if you aren’t getting the responses you want from your fixes, be cool with that. After all, you’re on the right track. You’re being proactive.
Now, we don’t just want to get rid of negative feelings, we want to foster positive ones.
So I’ve got an exercise for you. It may sound strange, but this is what professional athletes do to compete, so trust me, it’s very real.
First, create a calm and relaxed atmosphere, free of emotion. Set yourself aside from the world, and set aside a slot of time for this. You don’t want to be worrying about the dog’s walk.
Lots of people do this through simple breathing meditation – that is, watch your breathing. Just observe it going in and out of your body, how that feels. Count you breaths – from 1 to 10 and back again – until your mind is clear.
If you want, you can lie down and imagine your breath entering your entire body, blowing it up like a balloon, and every time you exhale, another body part relaxes: first your left foot, than your right, next your left lower leg and so on until your body is completely relaxed and free of tension.
Now, picture yourself in a situation with a girl. You should have thought about what it is before, but picture the conversation. Imagine it going extremely well. Imagine yourself getting the girl – however you’d most like to get her, do it.
Repeat.
This is how Greg Maddux and Randy Johnson pitch batters. This is how Barry Bonds hits home runs – the non-steroid ones, at least. You have to imagine yourself succeeding so you know what to do when you’re on the path.
Do this a lot. Do this with all different sorts of scenarios. If you’re having trouble letting go of negative situations in the past, imagine them turning out a completely different and positive way. Whenever the situation crops up, remember that you can and would handle it differently now.
If I knocked over the divider now, I’d do a small stand-up around it, sit down with the cute girls, and say “Congratulations ladies – you’re with the star.”
Don’t kid yourself – I didn’t do that; but I would now.
Really, the only thing standing between you and the hottest women in the world is your belief. If you don’t think you can get her, she’ll sense that and you won’t.
If you believe that you can – and indeed, you WILL, and she’ll be the lucky one – well, you won’t get them all, but you’d be surprised how often that simple switch works by itself.
It’ll take time before you can get yourself consistently confident – once you’ve broken through one barrier, you’ll probably stumble on the next. But you’ll be making constant PROGRESS, your confidence will continue to rise, until NO barrier seems insurmountable.
And none of them are. For anyone. Do I need to list the loser-like guys I know who are anything but losers with the ladies again?
Don’t make me do it.
Create your own movie, with you as the star, and watch as people treat you that way. You’ll establish mad social value as you cruise a room handling every situation deftly – and women will sniff that power like cats in heat.
Tags:
Neghits
Thursday, November 10, 2005, 04:01 PM [The Arts of Seduction]
Neghits basically is used to bring a bitch down to size:) When a woman knows she looks good (9 or 10), and she is there surrounded by friends, she has to put on this BITCH act. Is she REALLY a bitch? Very unlikely.
All my girlfriends were wonderful human beings - beautiful people have it easier because they are beautiful and often times have better upbringings because of it.
She need to have a standard with which to uphold when all these LOSER guys approach her. So her values are very honed and understood. When a man walks up and says, "can I buy you a drink?" she WILL be annoyed by this. While the guy thinks he's doing something nice for her, she's been getting this attention since she was 13! She is desensitised to this. You are the 8th guy TODAY, GOD DAMN!
So she is very good at brushing all these guys off. Shit, she HAS to be... she isn't going to sleep with ALL of them! :) So she may say NO or act annoyed and then the guy thinks she's a bitch and walks off pissed and feeling like a failure (WHICH SOMETIMES HE IS,LOL). And that seems to work.
Sometimes when the girl is particularly in a feeling of control (like in a club where she is PREPARED for the barrage of men - it IS after all something that occurs so often that when it is GONE she MISSES it) she will accept the beer alleze, long island ice tea, whatever, and then flake the guy off.
Hey, if the guys are stupid enough to buy her one, she might as well take it. When they take a drink from you, the girl is saying to you, "I don't know you and I don't care about you. You are just another one of those typical guys and since I don't respect you, Ill take the beer from you before I diss you."
Since a 9 or 10 is so GOOD at snuffing your approach (nothing ever personal either - it is a strategy that is built over years of stupid guys approaches EVERY FRIGGING DAY), she will do the same to YOU.
That is why DISSING THEM is important. You cant INSULT them because they are used to all the hurt guys INSULTING them ("ahh you are nothing but a bitch!") so this rolls off their back like water off a muskrats ass :)
How do you DISS her without INSULTING her? First of all, guys, i'm talking about a 9 or 10 here. The 5's and 6's etc have low esteem anyway so if you use a neghit on them you will ruin them, and ruin your chances.
Now the question is, why do 9 and 10s dress so FINE if they don't want the attention? Because they LOVE the feeling of control they have with guys. They know the power they wield over most men so they use it to their advantage. Have you ever noticed that every time a woman gets a chance to control a man she jumps at it! So they are in a club with friends and they want to be the leader of the circle (social hierarchy in primates) and so she gets all the attention.
The guys come and buy drinks for them and she gets off on knocking the guys down. Its all in a days play.
Your Stategy: So she is wearing fake nails or weive to look even BETTER! Most guys will say, "wow you are so beautiful!" BORING, typical kiss ass supplicator, and in her mind by now (after years of the same suplicating kiss asses) TRUE.
Imagine a guy comes along and says "nice nails, are they real?"
She will have to concede, "no. acrylic." and he says (like he didn't notice it was a put down "oh. (pause) well I guess they still LOOK good." Then he turns his back to her and keep talking to his wingman, her friend who is a 6 or whoever. What does this do to her? Well, he didn't treat her like shit and INSULT her. He complimented her but the result was to target her insecurity.
She thinks, "IM HOT IM BEAUTIFUL (especially in that emotional state of control as in the public)... but I didn't win this guy over. IM SO GOOD at this. ILL just fix that little smear on my image that he has of me." Then you continue to show disinterest in her looks as you give her a neutral topic like travelling etc.
During this year (and every damn year) her intention is to get you to become like all the other kiss ass suplicators, so she can feel in control and snuff you. You then give her another NEG HIT like this ... " is that weive? well, its neat... what do you call this hairstyle?" Smile and look at her to show her you are sincerely being funny and not insulting. You are pleasant but disinterested in her beauty. This will intrigue her because she KNOWS guys. And this isn't normal. You must have really high taste, lol, or be used to girls or be married or something. In other words she will be confused.
These questions make her CURIOUS. So this keeps happening and is known as FLIRTING. She give you little neg hits and these tests are qualifiers. You pass them by neg hitting her back. After all, you aren't like the others showing interest. But... why? To get control again she says, "will you buy me a drink?" notice how she is trying to get you now! BUT, she only wants to sucker you in enough so she can SNUFF you.
That is all she is about - this strategy is all she knows and it's not working for you so she is trying to do damage control on the situation. But at the same time she doesn't quite understand WHY you don't think she is great. After all, her nails ARE fake. You say, " ahhh, that's so funny ... you nose moves when you speak...... (pointing and being cute) look there it goes again ... its so... quaint ... hheeeee look " :D She'll say, "ahhh, stoppp!" :) *blush*.
Now she is self conscious and having her in this state is where you want her. You have, with 3 neg hits, successfully created INTEREST (curiosity) and removed her from her pedestal (removed her bitch shield.) You were humorous, you had a smile, you dress well, you are confident and everything she would want in a man.
You didn't take her shit. OH, and when she asked you for a beer, you said, " No. I don't buy girls drinks. but YOU can buy ME one". You are qualifying HER now. If she buys you a beer, this is symbolic of her RESPECT for you.
If not you say, "pleasure meeting you" and turn your back to her again. DONT walk away, just turn your back, talk to your wingman or something. You are neg hitting her again just when she thought she was negging YOU. This is all psychology, guys, stick with me.
Qualify her: A NEG HIT is a qualifier. The girl is FAILING to meet your high expectations. It's not an insult, just a judgement call on your part.The better looking the girl, the more aggressive you must be with using neg hits. A 10 can get 3 neg hits up front, while an 8 only 1 or 2 over a longer time.
You CAN go overboard and you know this if they begin to think you are BETTER than them. You can drop the self-esteem right from under them (just like most 10s do to guys) and this isn't good. You have to get as close to the breaking point as you can without crossing the line. Once you have gotten her RIGHT THERE, you can start appreciating things about her (NEVER LOOKS). There is mutual RESPECT now. Something most guys never get from the girl.
This is how you remove a bitch shield. 3 neg hits ought to do it within 2 or 3 minutes of neutral chat. Once it is down, (why should she have an unfair advantage) you can from a mutual respect place, seduce her:)
Now, like I said before, once you get her to this point, dont start kissing her ass again. Now you need to work on the close. This is your whole objective, remember!
Examples of negging a beauty. (Only for use with 10s or 9s who simply HAVE to know they ARE beautiful, any less beautiful girls can easily be destroyed by these!)
After you've negged her looks in some manner, follow up with:
"You are really interesting, or at least you're not THAT ugly." :)
"No really, I've seen uglier girls" (all the time smiling or laughing)
"Well, at least you should be lucky to have a good body [to compensate for whatever it was you negged]"
Here are some more:
"You are nearly as tall as me. I like tall girls (LIFT). Are those heels 4 or 5 inches (DROP)?"
"You blink alot"
"You have snot comming out your nose. Its not showing much though."
"Your nose wiggles when you talk:)"
"Weren't you wearing this dress the last time you were here?"
"Excuse me... may I finish my sentence first?"
"Oooh... Sick... You just spit on me!" (when the girl is talking to you)
"Your hair looks kinda nice"
"I don't think we should get to know each other."
HER: "Why?"
YOU: "I think you are just too much of a NICE GIRL for me."
HER: (whatever, it doesn't matter because she will try for you now)
All my girlfriends were wonderful human beings - beautiful people have it easier because they are beautiful and often times have better upbringings because of it.
She need to have a standard with which to uphold when all these LOSER guys approach her. So her values are very honed and understood. When a man walks up and says, "can I buy you a drink?" she WILL be annoyed by this. While the guy thinks he's doing something nice for her, she's been getting this attention since she was 13! She is desensitised to this. You are the 8th guy TODAY, GOD DAMN!
So she is very good at brushing all these guys off. Shit, she HAS to be... she isn't going to sleep with ALL of them! :) So she may say NO or act annoyed and then the guy thinks she's a bitch and walks off pissed and feeling like a failure (WHICH SOMETIMES HE IS,LOL). And that seems to work.
Sometimes when the girl is particularly in a feeling of control (like in a club where she is PREPARED for the barrage of men - it IS after all something that occurs so often that when it is GONE she MISSES it) she will accept the beer alleze, long island ice tea, whatever, and then flake the guy off.
Hey, if the guys are stupid enough to buy her one, she might as well take it. When they take a drink from you, the girl is saying to you, "I don't know you and I don't care about you. You are just another one of those typical guys and since I don't respect you, Ill take the beer from you before I diss you."
Since a 9 or 10 is so GOOD at snuffing your approach (nothing ever personal either - it is a strategy that is built over years of stupid guys approaches EVERY FRIGGING DAY), she will do the same to YOU.
That is why DISSING THEM is important. You cant INSULT them because they are used to all the hurt guys INSULTING them ("ahh you are nothing but a bitch!") so this rolls off their back like water off a muskrats ass :)
How do you DISS her without INSULTING her? First of all, guys, i'm talking about a 9 or 10 here. The 5's and 6's etc have low esteem anyway so if you use a neghit on them you will ruin them, and ruin your chances.
Now the question is, why do 9 and 10s dress so FINE if they don't want the attention? Because they LOVE the feeling of control they have with guys. They know the power they wield over most men so they use it to their advantage. Have you ever noticed that every time a woman gets a chance to control a man she jumps at it! So they are in a club with friends and they want to be the leader of the circle (social hierarchy in primates) and so she gets all the attention.
The guys come and buy drinks for them and she gets off on knocking the guys down. Its all in a days play.
Your Stategy: So she is wearing fake nails or weive to look even BETTER! Most guys will say, "wow you are so beautiful!" BORING, typical kiss ass supplicator, and in her mind by now (after years of the same suplicating kiss asses) TRUE.
Imagine a guy comes along and says "nice nails, are they real?"
She will have to concede, "no. acrylic." and he says (like he didn't notice it was a put down "oh. (pause) well I guess they still LOOK good." Then he turns his back to her and keep talking to his wingman, her friend who is a 6 or whoever. What does this do to her? Well, he didn't treat her like shit and INSULT her. He complimented her but the result was to target her insecurity.
She thinks, "IM HOT IM BEAUTIFUL (especially in that emotional state of control as in the public)... but I didn't win this guy over. IM SO GOOD at this. ILL just fix that little smear on my image that he has of me." Then you continue to show disinterest in her looks as you give her a neutral topic like travelling etc.
During this year (and every damn year) her intention is to get you to become like all the other kiss ass suplicators, so she can feel in control and snuff you. You then give her another NEG HIT like this ... " is that weive? well, its neat... what do you call this hairstyle?" Smile and look at her to show her you are sincerely being funny and not insulting. You are pleasant but disinterested in her beauty. This will intrigue her because she KNOWS guys. And this isn't normal. You must have really high taste, lol, or be used to girls or be married or something. In other words she will be confused.
These questions make her CURIOUS. So this keeps happening and is known as FLIRTING. She give you little neg hits and these tests are qualifiers. You pass them by neg hitting her back. After all, you aren't like the others showing interest. But... why? To get control again she says, "will you buy me a drink?" notice how she is trying to get you now! BUT, she only wants to sucker you in enough so she can SNUFF you.
That is all she is about - this strategy is all she knows and it's not working for you so she is trying to do damage control on the situation. But at the same time she doesn't quite understand WHY you don't think she is great. After all, her nails ARE fake. You say, " ahhh, that's so funny ... you nose moves when you speak...... (pointing and being cute) look there it goes again ... its so... quaint ... hheeeee look " :D She'll say, "ahhh, stoppp!" :) *blush*.
Now she is self conscious and having her in this state is where you want her. You have, with 3 neg hits, successfully created INTEREST (curiosity) and removed her from her pedestal (removed her bitch shield.) You were humorous, you had a smile, you dress well, you are confident and everything she would want in a man.
You didn't take her shit. OH, and when she asked you for a beer, you said, " No. I don't buy girls drinks. but YOU can buy ME one". You are qualifying HER now. If she buys you a beer, this is symbolic of her RESPECT for you.
If not you say, "pleasure meeting you" and turn your back to her again. DONT walk away, just turn your back, talk to your wingman or something. You are neg hitting her again just when she thought she was negging YOU. This is all psychology, guys, stick with me.
Qualify her: A NEG HIT is a qualifier. The girl is FAILING to meet your high expectations. It's not an insult, just a judgement call on your part.The better looking the girl, the more aggressive you must be with using neg hits. A 10 can get 3 neg hits up front, while an 8 only 1 or 2 over a longer time.
You CAN go overboard and you know this if they begin to think you are BETTER than them. You can drop the self-esteem right from under them (just like most 10s do to guys) and this isn't good. You have to get as close to the breaking point as you can without crossing the line. Once you have gotten her RIGHT THERE, you can start appreciating things about her (NEVER LOOKS). There is mutual RESPECT now. Something most guys never get from the girl.
This is how you remove a bitch shield. 3 neg hits ought to do it within 2 or 3 minutes of neutral chat. Once it is down, (why should she have an unfair advantage) you can from a mutual respect place, seduce her:)
Now, like I said before, once you get her to this point, dont start kissing her ass again. Now you need to work on the close. This is your whole objective, remember!
Examples of negging a beauty. (Only for use with 10s or 9s who simply HAVE to know they ARE beautiful, any less beautiful girls can easily be destroyed by these!)
After you've negged her looks in some manner, follow up with:
"You are really interesting, or at least you're not THAT ugly." :)
"No really, I've seen uglier girls" (all the time smiling or laughing)
"Well, at least you should be lucky to have a good body [to compensate for whatever it was you negged]"
Here are some more:
"You are nearly as tall as me. I like tall girls (LIFT). Are those heels 4 or 5 inches (DROP)?"
"You blink alot"
"You have snot comming out your nose. Its not showing much though."
"Your nose wiggles when you talk:)"
"Weren't you wearing this dress the last time you were here?"
"Excuse me... may I finish my sentence first?"
"Oooh... Sick... You just spit on me!" (when the girl is talking to you)
"Your hair looks kinda nice"
"I don't think we should get to know each other."
HER: "Why?"
YOU: "I think you are just too much of a NICE GIRL for me."
HER: (whatever, it doesn't matter because she will try for you now)
Tags:
Making the First Move
Thursday, November 10, 2005, 04:01 PM [The Arts of Seduction]
Ok, so you've been on three dates together and you're ready for something a little bit more, er, "mature". How do you go about making that first move? This article will explore that important, terrifying step.
Men: unless you're James Bond (by the way - you're not!) she probably isn't going to excuse herself and "slip into something more comfortable". If she does, it's probably going to be some flannel pajamas, slippers, and a bathrobe - a sign that she's ready for you to leave!
Women expect that you know when to make your move. Further, they expect you to be sophisticated and smooth about it. Clumsy, boyish behavior doesn't fit with her image of being "swept off her feet", and you don't really want this critical step to end in laughter!
The Rules
First, let's explore the rules for The First Move:
1) Women control the speed of the relationship - and the sex - not men.
2) Women know if they'll sleep with you within 5 minutes of meeting you.
3) Even if a woman does go out with you, she won't tell you if she plans to sleep with you or not!
4) Women will usually NOT make the first move. 5) If you don't make the right move at the right time, the women will usually think you're weak, an oaf, gay, or just not interested.
6) Women and men view sex differently - women use sex to bond and create intimacy, men use sex to decide if they want to get more intimate.
How to Make That "First Move" (for Men):
Because of the rules stated above, you have to be somewhat careful of when and where to make your move. You want this to appear spontaneous, and, with the right preparation - you can! These seem to go against each other - prepare to be spontaneous? Yes - remember the 7 "P's": "Prior, Proper Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance!"
Give some thought to your moves before using them. This will help to make them appear more comfortable and therefore spontaneous. So, with that introduction, here are the steps:
1) Be sure you're ready - once you begin, you can't go back! Just like that move when you were in High School where you stretch and your arm "just happens" to wind up around your date's shoulder. Also, do you have a condom? You don't? Then forget it! Remember: "No glove - NO LOVE!"
2) Be reasonably sure she's ready. How do you know she's ready? You can't really be 100 percent sure, but you can get pretty close if you just pay attention. First, is she using the right body language? For example:
Touching you both accidentally and on purpose
Sitting or leaning against you
Looking right into your eyes, examining your face - especially your mouth
Leaning toward you as you speak?
Using an "open posture" - arms uncrossed; legs open, or if crossed, not excluding you?
Playing with her hair, exposing her palms and wrists to you?
Also, has she just told you she has an early-morning meeting, or has relatives staying at her place? She is probably telling you that this isn't the right time. In short, be open to clues.
3) Make sure you're in the right place. Once you get things started, you don't want to have to stop and drive somewhere else. Why not get there and then make your move - you'll keep things from cooling off - and possibly a change of heart. Also, make sure that you're in a private setting - even if you're in the back seat of your car. Nothing spoils the mood like someone watching (well, unless you both are into that!)
4) Plan plenty of time Having an appointment in 30 minutes isn't going to create a romantic atmosphere. Be sure you have enough time to really spend getting you both ready.
5) Have a proper "build-up" You don't want to show up at her door, walk in and start putting on the moves. Poor form old buddy! Plan a simple, but romantic date. Don't go to the movies or the theatre - you need time to talk and establish a connection.
6) Ready? Ok, let's go So, what's the first thing you should do? Get your confidence up. Wait for a comfortable break in the conversation. Then, take her hands in yours, draw her close to you and gently kiss her on the lips. Don't shove your tongue down her throat, and don't kiss her like she's your grandmother. Make it linger just a little too long, and give her a chance to respond. You might also want to offer a back or foot massage - these are almost impossible to resist!
7) When she's ready to move, she'll usually let you know But, what if she doesn't? Some women let you take charge when they're ready. You can start by kissing her neck and gently nibbling on her lower lip. Brush your nose gently around hers. Explore her neck and face with yours. Run your hands around her back, then slowly to her ass. Note her reactions.
8) Don't go for the "goodies" until you've spent some time earning them! If you're in a hurry to get her out of her clothes, she'll assume that you're just as fast at everything else. Let things build on their own - at their own pace. Let them move along slowly, don't force them - or get in the way of them either!
How to Make That "First Move" (for Women):
Frankly, this is a lot easier for women. You probably already know what to do. Here's a checklist: 1) Make sure you're ready. If you're trying to seduce him just because you're afraid of losing him, you're not in the best place and should reconsider. Also, you should carry condoms on you. Remember - you both are responsible for preventing the spread of disease and unwanted children!
2) Don't worry about him - he's ready!
3) Ask him to go some place more private - like your place You don't really need to go into anything more than this - the invitation is all that's necessary.
4) Let him know that you're ready If you're not comfortable just telling him (few women are!), let him know in other ways. Use open body language, get close to him and use physical contact, lay your head on this chest, use eye contact, talk "sex", etc.
5) Important - give the conversation a break! This is the most often missed aspect of the first move. If he is politely listening to you and you go on and on without a break - where's he supposed to jump in? If you're nervous, this is especially difficult. Just try to be aware of your conversation.
6) There is nothing wrong with you making the first move You absolutely can put your hands on either side of his face and kiss him. In fact, some men actually wait for this because they don't know when to make a move themselves. You can even tell him that you're ready.
7) Feeling bold? I've had many women tell me that they were ready by standing up and stripping for me, or take off their blouse and turn to walk into the bedroom. I mean, how obvious do you need to get? If this doesn't work for him, you've got the wrong guy!
8) Help him along This is a strange thing to say, but many women don't understand that their men might not know what to do - or at least what you like. If you don't tell him (or subtly show him), how's he going to know? Believe me, men don't read minds!
First-Sex Etiquette
Many people don't know what to do after the first sexual experience with a new partner. At least the first time, don't plan to spend the night. Why not? If you do, you'll probably need your regular things for the morning - toothbrush, deodorant, denture cream, (just kidding!), etc. If you whip out the over-night kit, all of your work making this a spontaneous event will be lost.
Also, don't just jump up grab your clothes and bolt! Spend some time cuddling or at least telling stories and having a laugh. This doesn't have to be deep and intimate - just spend some time saying that you enjoyed each other. You might want to grab some dessert out of the fridge, or watch the end of an old movie. Men - if you want an encore performance, this step is critical!
Finally, have fun! This isn't the end - it's the beginning!
Men: unless you're James Bond (by the way - you're not!) she probably isn't going to excuse herself and "slip into something more comfortable". If she does, it's probably going to be some flannel pajamas, slippers, and a bathrobe - a sign that she's ready for you to leave!
Women expect that you know when to make your move. Further, they expect you to be sophisticated and smooth about it. Clumsy, boyish behavior doesn't fit with her image of being "swept off her feet", and you don't really want this critical step to end in laughter!
The Rules
First, let's explore the rules for The First Move:
1) Women control the speed of the relationship - and the sex - not men.
2) Women know if they'll sleep with you within 5 minutes of meeting you.
3) Even if a woman does go out with you, she won't tell you if she plans to sleep with you or not!
4) Women will usually NOT make the first move. 5) If you don't make the right move at the right time, the women will usually think you're weak, an oaf, gay, or just not interested.
6) Women and men view sex differently - women use sex to bond and create intimacy, men use sex to decide if they want to get more intimate.
How to Make That "First Move" (for Men):
Because of the rules stated above, you have to be somewhat careful of when and where to make your move. You want this to appear spontaneous, and, with the right preparation - you can! These seem to go against each other - prepare to be spontaneous? Yes - remember the 7 "P's": "Prior, Proper Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance!"
Give some thought to your moves before using them. This will help to make them appear more comfortable and therefore spontaneous. So, with that introduction, here are the steps:
1) Be sure you're ready - once you begin, you can't go back! Just like that move when you were in High School where you stretch and your arm "just happens" to wind up around your date's shoulder. Also, do you have a condom? You don't? Then forget it! Remember: "No glove - NO LOVE!"
2) Be reasonably sure she's ready. How do you know she's ready? You can't really be 100 percent sure, but you can get pretty close if you just pay attention. First, is she using the right body language? For example:
Touching you both accidentally and on purpose
Sitting or leaning against you
Looking right into your eyes, examining your face - especially your mouth
Leaning toward you as you speak?
Using an "open posture" - arms uncrossed; legs open, or if crossed, not excluding you?
Playing with her hair, exposing her palms and wrists to you?
Also, has she just told you she has an early-morning meeting, or has relatives staying at her place? She is probably telling you that this isn't the right time. In short, be open to clues.
3) Make sure you're in the right place. Once you get things started, you don't want to have to stop and drive somewhere else. Why not get there and then make your move - you'll keep things from cooling off - and possibly a change of heart. Also, make sure that you're in a private setting - even if you're in the back seat of your car. Nothing spoils the mood like someone watching (well, unless you both are into that!)
4) Plan plenty of time Having an appointment in 30 minutes isn't going to create a romantic atmosphere. Be sure you have enough time to really spend getting you both ready.
5) Have a proper "build-up" You don't want to show up at her door, walk in and start putting on the moves. Poor form old buddy! Plan a simple, but romantic date. Don't go to the movies or the theatre - you need time to talk and establish a connection.
6) Ready? Ok, let's go So, what's the first thing you should do? Get your confidence up. Wait for a comfortable break in the conversation. Then, take her hands in yours, draw her close to you and gently kiss her on the lips. Don't shove your tongue down her throat, and don't kiss her like she's your grandmother. Make it linger just a little too long, and give her a chance to respond. You might also want to offer a back or foot massage - these are almost impossible to resist!
7) When she's ready to move, she'll usually let you know But, what if she doesn't? Some women let you take charge when they're ready. You can start by kissing her neck and gently nibbling on her lower lip. Brush your nose gently around hers. Explore her neck and face with yours. Run your hands around her back, then slowly to her ass. Note her reactions.
8) Don't go for the "goodies" until you've spent some time earning them! If you're in a hurry to get her out of her clothes, she'll assume that you're just as fast at everything else. Let things build on their own - at their own pace. Let them move along slowly, don't force them - or get in the way of them either!
How to Make That "First Move" (for Women):
Frankly, this is a lot easier for women. You probably already know what to do. Here's a checklist: 1) Make sure you're ready. If you're trying to seduce him just because you're afraid of losing him, you're not in the best place and should reconsider. Also, you should carry condoms on you. Remember - you both are responsible for preventing the spread of disease and unwanted children!
2) Don't worry about him - he's ready!
3) Ask him to go some place more private - like your place You don't really need to go into anything more than this - the invitation is all that's necessary.
4) Let him know that you're ready If you're not comfortable just telling him (few women are!), let him know in other ways. Use open body language, get close to him and use physical contact, lay your head on this chest, use eye contact, talk "sex", etc.
5) Important - give the conversation a break! This is the most often missed aspect of the first move. If he is politely listening to you and you go on and on without a break - where's he supposed to jump in? If you're nervous, this is especially difficult. Just try to be aware of your conversation.
6) There is nothing wrong with you making the first move You absolutely can put your hands on either side of his face and kiss him. In fact, some men actually wait for this because they don't know when to make a move themselves. You can even tell him that you're ready.
7) Feeling bold? I've had many women tell me that they were ready by standing up and stripping for me, or take off their blouse and turn to walk into the bedroom. I mean, how obvious do you need to get? If this doesn't work for him, you've got the wrong guy!
8) Help him along This is a strange thing to say, but many women don't understand that their men might not know what to do - or at least what you like. If you don't tell him (or subtly show him), how's he going to know? Believe me, men don't read minds!
First-Sex Etiquette
Many people don't know what to do after the first sexual experience with a new partner. At least the first time, don't plan to spend the night. Why not? If you do, you'll probably need your regular things for the morning - toothbrush, deodorant, denture cream, (just kidding!), etc. If you whip out the over-night kit, all of your work making this a spontaneous event will be lost.
Also, don't just jump up grab your clothes and bolt! Spend some time cuddling or at least telling stories and having a laugh. This doesn't have to be deep and intimate - just spend some time saying that you enjoyed each other. You might want to grab some dessert out of the fridge, or watch the end of an old movie. Men - if you want an encore performance, this step is critical!
Finally, have fun! This isn't the end - it's the beginning!
Tags:
Making Her Salivate For You
Thursday, November 10, 2005, 04:00 PM [The Arts of Seduction]
Ivan Pavlov was a physiologist who stumbled upon one of the most important principles in all of psychology.
Pavlov discovered that he could teach dogs to salivate at the sound of a tone if he repeatedly paired the tone with the presentation of food. The dogs learned that the tone was a good predictor for food (which they liked and which naturally elicited a salivary response). Thus, by repeatedly pairing the tone and the food, the dogs learned to salivate to the sound of the tone... regardless of whether or not food was present.
This is known as classical conditioning and it's quite an omnipresent phenomenon which influences most every aspect of our lives... especially our love lives.
You see, EMOTIONS are particularly susceptible to classical conditioning. Emotions are very often "elicited" by certain circumstances as a result of past learning experiences (that is, previous pairings or associations).
An obvious example is the emotion of fear. People often learn to fear things because of previous unpleasant associations. For example, a person may come to fear dentists (or perhaps the sound of a drill) because of past painful dental procedures.
A woman who has been attacked may develop a fear of strangers or a fear of men. Or maybe it's the garage or neighborhood in which she was attacked that come to elicit feelings of fear and anxiety. It's a simple pairing of a particular situation (or person) with an emotion which causes similar situations (or persons) to elicit similar emotions in the future.
On the positive side, think about an old girlfriend of yours that you adored. (Everybody has at least one that they blew it with.) You were crazy about this girl and would have done anything for her. As a result you may have done a few things you didn't really care too much for.
Maybe she was really into Italian food but you weren't. Frequently you wound up in Italian restaurants in order to keep her happy. As a result of the pairing of Italian food with this adorable lady, you NOW love Italian food. Or maybe it's a particular Italian restaurant that you two frequented that you NOW love.
Perhaps she used to love hiking so now you do. Or she was crazy about cats and now you have several. Or maybe it was a particular movie that the two of you saw together that still makes you feel queasy. Or a particular song (your song) that brings back a flood of vivid memories and intense emotions. Whatever. Your feelings for her were transferred to various other objects, situations, or people as a result of being paired with her.
It's really fascinating to observe this pairing of situations and emotions. Try to pay attention to the "classical conditioning" happening around you as you go about your daily routine. It occurs ALL THE TIME. And it's really quite interesting.
Now that we grasp the basics of classical conditioning, the question becomes, "How can we use classical conditioning to help us in our relationships with women?"
We could probably write an entire book on classical conditioning and how it influences our love lives, our relationships, and our emotions. But I'm just going to point out one or two things to you right now and leave you to discover some of the other *secrets* yourself.
Let's assume that the object of your affection (your girlfriend, or maybe a beauty you're attracted to) is always in either a good mood, neutral mood, or bad mood. That is, she's either experiencing good emotions, neutral emotions, or bad emotions.
Our goal is simply to associate ourselves with her good emotions and dissociate ourselves from her bad emotions. In this way, we can MAKE OURSELVES into a type of infectious, charismatic individual who elicits positive emotions and positive feelings... simply by showing up.
And that's what you want, isn't it? You want her to be excited and happy and feel good when you come around. You want her to look forward to seeing you because she knows that she's going to feel great. Isn't that how your lady (or the lady you desire) makes you feel - happy, excited, positive?
And you definitely don't want your presence to elicit feelings of depression, anger, or anxiety.
It's pretty simple. The major point here to remember is that you want to be around her when she's in a good mood and avoid her, like the plague, when she's in a bad mood.
Nothing earth-shaking here. Yet it's amazing how guys can screw this up. Sometimes putting themselves through a great deal of extra effort in order to do so.
If the beauty at your office is in a bad mood (she's got a plumbing problem), then you should spend as little time with her as possible that day. If that cute little blond in your history class is feeling exhausted (up all night studying), then this is not a good time to ask her to lunch. If your girlfriend has a mean case of PMS, stay away from her until she's in a more agreeable mood.
By avoiding her when she's feeling bad, you're not pairing yourself with her negative emotional states... and conditioning yourself to be a "negative emotion generator."
Now if she's in a good or great mood, then you should maximize your time together. This should be obvious. And my guess is that you probably WANT to be around her when she's feeling good anyway. So do it.
And even if you can't spend that much time with her when she's feeling good, then you'd like to at least get her thinking about you. Call her on the phone. Send her a quick email. Accidentally bump into her in the breakroom. Tell her a joke - jokes tend to linger in the mind. Whatever. Use your imagination.
(As far as neutral moods go, you goal is to change those into happy, exciting moods and associate yourself with these moods... but that's a subject to be covered in the future.)
However, as mentioned, many guys screw this up.
If their girlfriend (or potential girlfriend) is in a bad mood, they may try to make her feel better. They drop by her place with food and ice cream - to cheer her up. They insist on taking her out to lunch or dinner - brighten her day a little. They try to make her laugh. They do her favors. They spend hours on the phone sympathizing with her. They hang and hang and hang around. They do everything BUT what they should do... stay away. Dissociate.
Now this budding Don Juan usually THINKS that his girlfriend (or potential love object) being down or in a bad mood is an opportunity for him to make a few points. That by doing his best to make her feel better that she's, of course, going to realize what a great guy he is... and maybe fall for him.
It's possible. Anything's possible. But I wouldn't bet on it. All you're really doing is exerting extra effort to pair yourself with her negative emotional states. Yes, you might make her feel a little better, but you're most likely doing more damage to your "charisma" than good.
Keep things simple. Just stay away.
And if you're a sensitive guy who feels bad because she feels bad... well, remember that people often LIKE to feel down sometimes. People often LIKE getting upset and venting. Somehow it helps them to keep their lives in balance. Give her the freedom to feel bad if she wants.
On the other hand, if she's been emotionally DEVASTATED that's a different situation.
Maybe her best friend died. Maybe her new car got totaled. Maybe her cat was run over. Whatever - it varies from girl to girl. If she's your girlfriend (or significant other), she's going to EXPECT you to be there for her emotionally. She's going to want to lean on you and draw strength from you. She's going to want to emotionally vent to you. And if you're not there for her, she's going to "hate" you for it.
However, if she's been devastated and she's NOT your girlfriend (just someone that you'd like to be), then it's probably best to stay away until she's feeling better.
As mentioned, classical conditioning is happening constantly and I can't possibly go into all of the related scenarios, but I'll briefly mention one other instance... that of "good" and "bad" news.
Yes, delivering bad news does rub off on to the person unfortunate enough to deliver it. It's one of the most potent cases of classical conditioning. She's feeling good. You arrive and deliver the bad news. She's now feeling bad. Not exactly what you should aspire to.
Never deliver bad news to a girl you're attracted to. Get someone else to do it. Bribe someone if you have to. Just make sure you're someplace else.
Now as far as delivering good news... Ooooh Yeeaah!!
Pavlov discovered that he could teach dogs to salivate at the sound of a tone if he repeatedly paired the tone with the presentation of food. The dogs learned that the tone was a good predictor for food (which they liked and which naturally elicited a salivary response). Thus, by repeatedly pairing the tone and the food, the dogs learned to salivate to the sound of the tone... regardless of whether or not food was present.
This is known as classical conditioning and it's quite an omnipresent phenomenon which influences most every aspect of our lives... especially our love lives.
You see, EMOTIONS are particularly susceptible to classical conditioning. Emotions are very often "elicited" by certain circumstances as a result of past learning experiences (that is, previous pairings or associations).
An obvious example is the emotion of fear. People often learn to fear things because of previous unpleasant associations. For example, a person may come to fear dentists (or perhaps the sound of a drill) because of past painful dental procedures.
A woman who has been attacked may develop a fear of strangers or a fear of men. Or maybe it's the garage or neighborhood in which she was attacked that come to elicit feelings of fear and anxiety. It's a simple pairing of a particular situation (or person) with an emotion which causes similar situations (or persons) to elicit similar emotions in the future.
On the positive side, think about an old girlfriend of yours that you adored. (Everybody has at least one that they blew it with.) You were crazy about this girl and would have done anything for her. As a result you may have done a few things you didn't really care too much for.
Maybe she was really into Italian food but you weren't. Frequently you wound up in Italian restaurants in order to keep her happy. As a result of the pairing of Italian food with this adorable lady, you NOW love Italian food. Or maybe it's a particular Italian restaurant that you two frequented that you NOW love.
Perhaps she used to love hiking so now you do. Or she was crazy about cats and now you have several. Or maybe it was a particular movie that the two of you saw together that still makes you feel queasy. Or a particular song (your song) that brings back a flood of vivid memories and intense emotions. Whatever. Your feelings for her were transferred to various other objects, situations, or people as a result of being paired with her.
It's really fascinating to observe this pairing of situations and emotions. Try to pay attention to the "classical conditioning" happening around you as you go about your daily routine. It occurs ALL THE TIME. And it's really quite interesting.
Now that we grasp the basics of classical conditioning, the question becomes, "How can we use classical conditioning to help us in our relationships with women?"
We could probably write an entire book on classical conditioning and how it influences our love lives, our relationships, and our emotions. But I'm just going to point out one or two things to you right now and leave you to discover some of the other *secrets* yourself.
Let's assume that the object of your affection (your girlfriend, or maybe a beauty you're attracted to) is always in either a good mood, neutral mood, or bad mood. That is, she's either experiencing good emotions, neutral emotions, or bad emotions.
Our goal is simply to associate ourselves with her good emotions and dissociate ourselves from her bad emotions. In this way, we can MAKE OURSELVES into a type of infectious, charismatic individual who elicits positive emotions and positive feelings... simply by showing up.
And that's what you want, isn't it? You want her to be excited and happy and feel good when you come around. You want her to look forward to seeing you because she knows that she's going to feel great. Isn't that how your lady (or the lady you desire) makes you feel - happy, excited, positive?
And you definitely don't want your presence to elicit feelings of depression, anger, or anxiety.
It's pretty simple. The major point here to remember is that you want to be around her when she's in a good mood and avoid her, like the plague, when she's in a bad mood.
Nothing earth-shaking here. Yet it's amazing how guys can screw this up. Sometimes putting themselves through a great deal of extra effort in order to do so.
If the beauty at your office is in a bad mood (she's got a plumbing problem), then you should spend as little time with her as possible that day. If that cute little blond in your history class is feeling exhausted (up all night studying), then this is not a good time to ask her to lunch. If your girlfriend has a mean case of PMS, stay away from her until she's in a more agreeable mood.
By avoiding her when she's feeling bad, you're not pairing yourself with her negative emotional states... and conditioning yourself to be a "negative emotion generator."
Now if she's in a good or great mood, then you should maximize your time together. This should be obvious. And my guess is that you probably WANT to be around her when she's feeling good anyway. So do it.
And even if you can't spend that much time with her when she's feeling good, then you'd like to at least get her thinking about you. Call her on the phone. Send her a quick email. Accidentally bump into her in the breakroom. Tell her a joke - jokes tend to linger in the mind. Whatever. Use your imagination.
(As far as neutral moods go, you goal is to change those into happy, exciting moods and associate yourself with these moods... but that's a subject to be covered in the future.)
However, as mentioned, many guys screw this up.
If their girlfriend (or potential girlfriend) is in a bad mood, they may try to make her feel better. They drop by her place with food and ice cream - to cheer her up. They insist on taking her out to lunch or dinner - brighten her day a little. They try to make her laugh. They do her favors. They spend hours on the phone sympathizing with her. They hang and hang and hang around. They do everything BUT what they should do... stay away. Dissociate.
Now this budding Don Juan usually THINKS that his girlfriend (or potential love object) being down or in a bad mood is an opportunity for him to make a few points. That by doing his best to make her feel better that she's, of course, going to realize what a great guy he is... and maybe fall for him.
It's possible. Anything's possible. But I wouldn't bet on it. All you're really doing is exerting extra effort to pair yourself with her negative emotional states. Yes, you might make her feel a little better, but you're most likely doing more damage to your "charisma" than good.
Keep things simple. Just stay away.
And if you're a sensitive guy who feels bad because she feels bad... well, remember that people often LIKE to feel down sometimes. People often LIKE getting upset and venting. Somehow it helps them to keep their lives in balance. Give her the freedom to feel bad if she wants.
On the other hand, if she's been emotionally DEVASTATED that's a different situation.
Maybe her best friend died. Maybe her new car got totaled. Maybe her cat was run over. Whatever - it varies from girl to girl. If she's your girlfriend (or significant other), she's going to EXPECT you to be there for her emotionally. She's going to want to lean on you and draw strength from you. She's going to want to emotionally vent to you. And if you're not there for her, she's going to "hate" you for it.
However, if she's been devastated and she's NOT your girlfriend (just someone that you'd like to be), then it's probably best to stay away until she's feeling better.
As mentioned, classical conditioning is happening constantly and I can't possibly go into all of the related scenarios, but I'll briefly mention one other instance... that of "good" and "bad" news.
Yes, delivering bad news does rub off on to the person unfortunate enough to deliver it. It's one of the most potent cases of classical conditioning. She's feeling good. You arrive and deliver the bad news. She's now feeling bad. Not exactly what you should aspire to.
Never deliver bad news to a girl you're attracted to. Get someone else to do it. Bribe someone if you have to. Just make sure you're someplace else.
Now as far as delivering good news... Ooooh Yeeaah!!
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